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Evidence Guide
15 min read

Relationships & Belonging

Feeling known, safe and wanted is the ground everything else stands on. This guide looks at trusted adults, friendship, inclusion and repair — and at what schools and families can actually change.

Reading time
15 min read
Age range
All primary (EYFS–KS2)
Evidence level
Moderate
An empty wooden bench beside a primary school playground with a faded chalk hopscotch grid and autumn leaves.
MoreFor SENDCOs

Identifying who is on the edge

Social isolation is quiet and therefore easy to miss. It rarely appears in behaviour data and often does not appear in attainment data until much later. It has to be looked for deliberately.

Ask staff directly

"Which children would you struggle to say anything personal about?" and "Which children do you never see with anyone at playtime?" This produces a different and more useful list than any dataset.

Playground observation

Structured, repeated, at different times. Look for who is alone, who hovers at the edge, who moves between groups without landing, and who stays near an adult.

Simple sociometric information

Careful, anonymous, and used only to inform grouping — never shared with children. Handled badly this does harm; handled well it identifies children nobody had flagged.

Pupil voice

Ask who they would sit with, who they would ask for help, who they play with, whether there is an adult they would go to. Use maps of the school day and scaling rather than open questions.

Cross-check with attendance

Patterned absence — particular days, particular afternoons — is often social rather than academic in origin.

Family view

Parents hear about parties, invitations and playtimes. They usually know before school does.

ProvisionFor SENDCOs

Provision that builds connection rather than removing it

The most common unintended effect of SEND provision is reduced peer contact. A child withdrawn for interventions during assembly, taken out for reading during story time, supported one-to-one throughout group work and kept in at playtime to finish work will be well supported and thoroughly disconnected.

  • Audit each child's timetable for peer contact, not just for intervention hours.
  • Timetable withdrawal away from the socially valuable parts of the day.
  • Run interventions in small peer groups rather than individually where possible — the group is part of the point.
  • Deploy adults to facilitate peer interaction, not to substitute for it.
  • Make sure every child with SEND has access to clubs, trips, performances and responsibilities, and check the register rather than assuming.
  • Ensure each child can name a trusted adult, and that adult knows it — with a plan for their absence.
A caution on mentoring

Relationship-based programmes are attractive and can be valuable for the individual child. The EEF rates mentoring as low impact for moderate cost on the academic outcomes measured. Use it because a child needs a relationship, not because it is expected to raise attainment.

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Transitions

Belonging is most fragile at transition: into Reception, between year groups, on moving school, on returning after long absence, and into secondary. Relationships built over a year can dissolve over a summer, particularly for children who found them hard to build.

  • Pass on relational information, not just attainment: who they work well with, who to avoid, which adult they trust.
  • Plan class composition deliberately for socially vulnerable children, with at least one existing connection kept.
  • Extra visits, photographs, a named adult, and a known place for the first weeks.
  • For children returning after absence, plan the return with them — the first playtime matters more than the first lesson.
  • For Year 6, start earlier and involve the family; secondary transition is where fragile belonging most often breaks.
MoreFor SENDCOs

Bullying, safeguarding and repair

Children with SEND are recognised as being at greater risk of bullying, and DfE guidance expects prevention to rest on school ethos as well as response. Where a child cannot easily report what has happened — because of communication needs, or because they have not recognised it as bullying — the school's monitoring has to be more active, not less.

Restorative approaches are widely used in UK primary schools and can work well, but only where the imbalance of power has already been addressed and the child harmed genuinely consents. A restorative conversation used as a shortcut in a bullying situation can leave a child less safe than before.

MoreFor SENDCOs

Reviewing whether inclusion is real

  • Can each child on the SEND register name a friend, and a trusted adult?
  • How much of the week does each child spend with peers rather than alone with an adult?
  • Who is not attending clubs, trips or residentials, and why?
  • Are the same children repeatedly missing the socially significant parts of the day?
  • What do these children say about whether they feel they belong?
  • What do their families say?
The measure that matters

Not whether the child is present in the building, but whether they are participating in it — and whether anyone would notice if they were not there.

ResearchFor SENDCOs

Evidence & sources

What this guide is, and is not

Belonging is hard to measure and the evidence is largely about the conditions that support it rather than programmes that produce it. Nothing here diagnoses a social difficulty, and a child who prefers their own company is not automatically a child with a problem. The aim is that every child has someone who knows them and somewhere they are wanted — not that every child is sociable.

  1. National Institute for Health and Care ExcellenceProfessional guidance
    Social, emotional and mental wellbeing in primary and secondary education (NG223) (2022)

    Recommends a whole-school approach in which a supportive climate and trusted relationships between pupils and staff are foundational rather than additional.

  2. Public Health England / Department for EducationProfessional guidance
    Promoting children and young people's mental health and wellbeing: a whole-school and whole-college approach (2021)

    The eight-principle framework. Ethos and environment, and pupil voice, are two of the eight — belonging is treated as a structural property of the school, not a feeling to be encouraged.

  3. Education Endowment FoundationResearch summary
    Improving Social and Emotional Learning in Primary Schools — guidance report (2019, updated 2021)

    Teaching relationship skills explicitly and reinforcing them across the school day. Rated moderate impact, very low cost, moderate evidence.

  4. Education Endowment FoundationResearch summary
    Special Educational Needs in Mainstream Schools — guidance report (2020, updated 2021)

    Argues for building positive relationships and high-quality teaching as the first response, and warns against arrangements that separate pupils with SEND from their peers by default.

  5. Education Endowment FoundationResearch summary
    Mentoring — Teaching and Learning Toolkit

    A useful corrective: relationship-based approaches are valuable but the measured academic impact of mentoring programmes is low. Belonging matters in its own right, not as an attainment lever.

  6. Department for EducationProfessional guidance
    Preventing and tackling bullying (2017)

    Sets out schools' duties and the expectation that prevention rests on school ethos, not only on responding to incidents.

  7. Department for EducationStatutory guidance
    Relationships education, relationships and sex education (RSE) and health education (2019)

    Relationships education is statutory in all primary schools in England — friendship, respect, boundaries and loneliness are curriculum content, not optional extras.

  8. Department for EducationStatutory guidance
    SEND Code of Practice: 0 to 25 years (2015)

    Sets expectations for participation and inclusion, and for involving children and families in decisions about them.

  9. Department for EducationStatutory guidance
    Working together to improve school attendance (2022, statutory from 2024)

    Places belonging and relationships explicitly within attendance work — children attend places where they feel known and safe.

  10. Anna FreudProfessional guidance
    Resources for schools and colleges

    UK mental health charity material on relational practice, belonging and whole-school culture in primary settings.

  11. Anna FreudProfessional guidance
    Mentally Healthy Schools

    Quality-assured primary-focused resources on friendship, connection and inclusion.

Supporting Families
Looking for a parent-friendly version of Relationships & Belonging?

The Kind Learner Space has this guide in plain English for families — the same evidence, translated for home.

Open in The Kind Learner Space
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Where to go next.

A calm handful of next steps — not a checklist. Follow whichever thread is most useful right now.

Related guides

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For families

Share this at home.

A plain-English version parents and carers can read at home — same evidence, warmer language.

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Emotional wellbeing, relationships, regulation, anxiety, trauma and belonging.

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Expressive Language

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Emotional Regulation

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Anxiety & Worry

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Understanding Behaviour

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