Relationships & Belonging

NICE and the DfE/PHE whole-school framework both put climate and relationships at the foundation of wellbeing provision. In practice that is not a scheme of work: it is who gets greeted, who gets asked, who is given a job, whose name you use, and who is picked last.

• Greet every child at the door, by name, every day.
• Know one non-school thing about each of them by half term.
• Distribute jobs and responsibilities deliberately, not to the reliable few.
• Choose the pairs and groups yourself when it matters — free choice reliably leaves the same children out.
• Notice and name effort, kindness and repair as much as achievement.
• Make sure every child gets a positive interaction with you in a week, and check who you missed.

Most social difficulty happens where adults are fewest: the playground, the lunch hall, the queue, the corridor, wet play, changing for PE. These are also the least planned parts of the day and the least resourced in terms of trained adults.

Some children need more deliberate support to belong: those with speech, language and communication needs who cannot keep up with fast playground talk; autistic children whose social approach differs from the group's expectations; children with attention differences who are enthusiastic but overwhelming; children who have moved school, are new to English, or are in care.

The EEF's SEND guidance warns against arrangements that routinely separate pupils with SEND from their peers. Support that always removes a child from the group to work with an adult reduces the very contact that friendship depends on.

Relationships education is statutory in primary schools in England, covering friendship, respect, boundaries and where to get help. EEF SEL guidance suggests teaching these skills explicitly and then reinforcing them in the ordinary running of the day — the reinforcement matters more than the lesson.

• Teach joining in, asking, disagreeing, apologising and leaving a game as specific, practisable skills.
• Use stories and class discussion to name what it feels like to be left out.
• Model repair yourself when you get something wrong with a child.
• Set out explicitly what to do if you see someone alone, and what to do if you see unkindness.
• Revisit after holidays and at the start of a new year group, when social structures reset.

• Public picking of teams or partners.
• Making a child's isolation visible by discussing it in front of others.
• Forcing an apology that means nothing, instead of a repair that does.
• Treating every dispute as bullying, or dismissing repeated targeting as a fall-out.
• Leaving playtime social difficulty as pastoral background noise rather than something to plan for.
• Assuming the quiet, contained child is fine.

1. National Institute for Health and Care ExcellenceProfessional guidance
   Social, emotional and mental wellbeing in primary and secondary education (NG223) (2022)

   Recommends a whole-school approach in which a supportive climate and trusted relationships between pupils and staff are foundational rather than additional.

2. Public Health England / Department for EducationProfessional guidance
   Promoting children and young people's mental health and wellbeing: a whole-school and whole-college approach (2021)

   The eight-principle framework. Ethos and environment, and pupil voice, are two of the eight — belonging is treated as a structural property of the school, not a feeling to be encouraged.

3. Education Endowment FoundationResearch summary
   Improving Social and Emotional Learning in Primary Schools — guidance report (2019, updated 2021)

   Teaching relationship skills explicitly and reinforcing them across the school day. Rated moderate impact, very low cost, moderate evidence.

4. Education Endowment FoundationResearch summary
   Special Educational Needs in Mainstream Schools — guidance report (2020, updated 2021)

   Argues for building positive relationships and high-quality teaching as the first response, and warns against arrangements that separate pupils with SEND from their peers by default.

5. Education Endowment FoundationResearch summary
   Mentoring — Teaching and Learning Toolkit

   A useful corrective: relationship-based approaches are valuable but the measured academic impact of mentoring programmes is low. Belonging matters in its own right, not as an attainment lever.

6. Department for EducationProfessional guidance
   Preventing and tackling bullying (2017)

   Sets out schools' duties and the expectation that prevention rests on school ethos, not only on responding to incidents.

7. Department for EducationStatutory guidance
   Relationships education, relationships and sex education (RSE) and health education (2019)

   Relationships education is statutory in all primary schools in England — friendship, respect, boundaries and loneliness are curriculum content, not optional extras.

8. Department for EducationStatutory guidance
   SEND Code of Practice: 0 to 25 years (2015)

   Sets expectations for participation and inclusion, and for involving children and families in decisions about them.

9. Department for EducationStatutory guidance
   Working together to improve school attendance (2022, statutory from 2024)

   Places belonging and relationships explicitly within attendance work — children attend places where they feel known and safe.

10. Anna FreudProfessional guidance
    Resources for schools and colleges

    UK mental health charity material on relational practice, belonging and whole-school culture in primary settings.

11. Anna FreudProfessional guidance
    Mentally Healthy Schools

    Quality-assured primary-focused resources on friendship, connection and inclusion.